Hooray for holidays.

Ahhhh, the holidays. That magical time of year when we get together with the ones we love and make total asses out of ourselves.

*During the drive to a relatives house, I will inevitably be criticized by backseat drivers who have no business being in a car with me in the first place. My mother will scream at me to make a left, because she's absolutely certain that's the way to go. My father will outscream her and tell me to make a right, whichever I choose will be the wrong choice, guaranteed.

*Family members will rudely ask me about my personal life, because obviously it's their business.

*My mother will say something completely innapropriate at a family gathering and not even care.

*My cat will rip off the face of an unsuspecting young child who just wanted to "pet the kitty" (my cat doesn't like you; please don't touch him).

*Someone will get drunk and fall down the stairs. It will probably be me.

*I will call my cousins boyfriend "Tom" when his name is actually "Joe", not knowing that she dumped Tom 3 days prior for Joe. She will cry, it will be my fault.

*A family member will give me the gift of a shirt that is 5 times too big for me, insinuating that I am a fat cow. I will cry and skip my 3rd helping of dessert.

*Everyone will bring a "dish" to dinner, except for me of course, because I am 25 and can't make toast.

*The Christmas tree will fall over on my 97 year old grandmother, who never saw it coming because she was passed out drunk anyway.

*My relatives who swore they'd be there on time will be 2 hours late, and since it is "rude" to eat without everyone present, I will be forced to drive to McDonalds to get a double quarter pounder, which will end up all over my holiday dress.

My dear friends, I hope your holidays run smoothly, and I hope you get everything you wished for. May your days be merry and bright, and may all your Christmases be white!

Or not, because it sucks to drive in the snow.