Snake!

I swear, every time I try to have a nice relaxing evening, something crazy happens that prevents me from doing so. Such is life.

So yesterday was Sunday, the day I normally use to recuperate from any weekend activites that may have occured. I was watching the season premier of Family Guy, and everything was going quite well. I was sitting in bed, laughing at Stewie's crazy antics, when I hear my mom scream. I jumped out of bed and ran into the hallway, and I shouted "Where are you?" She was standing in the kitchen near the basement stairs, but I couldn't see her, I could only hear her. She then screamed, "Gretchen!" (which is me), "Brian!" (which is my dad), "Flash!" (which is my cat), and then "Snake!" (Snake? Did she really just say snake?) She then screamed something completely unintelligable about finding my father and killing a snake, so I did what any person in my position would do.... I ran to find my daddy.

I ran up the stairs to his bedroom, and of course, he's fast asleep, and has no idea of the craziness that's occuring downstairs. I wake him up by yelling, "THERE'S A SNAKE IN THE KITCHEN, MOMS FREAKING OUT!" He's still half asleep, and he says to me, "Did you say snake?" So of course, I yell back, "YES I SAID SNAKE!! WE GOTTA GO!"

So we run down the stairs and my mom is screaming, "Don't come in here! The snake will bite you, he's under the fridge!" The next few seconds were complete pandemonium. I grabbed my cat, who was very interested in the situation, and threw him into my bedroom and slammed the door. My dad grabbed a rubbermaid bin, the kind you would put your summer clothes in to pack them away. He took the lid off of it, handed it to me, and we made our way into the kitchen. Sure enough, there's Mr. Snake, slithering around under our fridge. He must have made his way in through the gap under our side door in the kitchen.... we had it open all day long.

So my dad starts yelling about how it's definitely not a garden snake because it has bands around it, my mom is screaming because she thinks she's gonna die, and I'm holding the top to a rubbermaid bin. My dad slid the bin towards Mr. Snake, and he willingly slithered into it and we slapped the top on like nobody's business. We all took a second to breathe, and then my dad and I came up with a game plan. We are going to release the snake in the woods across from my house. For those that don't know, I live on a pretty major road, and crossing it is not advised at any time, especially at 9:30 at night. But nontheless, we grab our trusty flashlight and head out there.

Other than the fact that my dad is only wearing boxer shorts and sandals, and I can't see shit because I don't have my contacts in, we get across the street with pretty much no problem. My dad tips the bin over, opens the lid, and Mr. Snake slithers out into the darkness. He was about 3 feet long. My dad and I made a made dash back towards the house, we didn't want to stick around and hang out in the woods with Mr. Snake anymore.

So, the moral of THIS story is, praise your pets when they do fun things, like play with snakes. Flash was the one that spotted him slithering around in the kitchen, and my mom went over to see what he was "stalking". If Flash hadn't have seen him, my mom would have stepped right on that bitch. Guaranteed. Because that's just how things work.

Rock on with your bad self, Flash!

It's a train wreck, bitch.

Oh my. Britney Spears. How do I love thee.... let me count the ways.

Your lip synching is amazing, as is your stellar choreography. Did you choreograph that yourself? I bet you did, you little vixen. I especially enjoyed that sexy outfit that emphasized the beauty of your baby fat. I just can't keep my eyes off of you, Britney. Keep doing that sweet thang you do.

Anyway........In case you can't tell, I watched the Video Music Awards last night. I don't want to talk to much about THAT, but I do want to talk about the thrilling programing that MTV has lined up for this fall.

1. Pageant Place. A bunch of beauty queens living in a house together, fighting over lip gloss. Drama ensues.

2. Kaya. A young rocker starlet doesn't know how to cope with her new found fame. Drugs, alcohol, and promiscuous sex? Christ, I hope so.

3. A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila. 16 lesbians con 16 horny straight guys into falling in love with them. All this while Miss Tequila attempts to find a boyfriend. I'm wondering why Tila Tequila needs to go on a reality show to find a man.... I need more info. Also, Miss Tequila reveals her huge "secret" to the world... she's bisexual. Is this really a secret? Because I've known this for quite some time now.

Since I dont have enough time in my day to watch all of this fabulous programming, and I can only allocate one new show into my schedule right now, I've picked the one about Tila Tequila. Surprised? Didn't think so. I mean, they all sound good... seriously, these three shows are going to blow My Super Sweet 16 right out of the water.