Dear July,
I understand you will be coming to visit me soon. I have mixed feelings about this, because your friend June is currently here, and let me tell you, she has NOT been pleasant. I might even go so far as to say she is quite possibly the worst house guest I've ever had. A lot of crappy things have occured since June got here, including, but not limited to:
-I got a temperature of one million and three degrees.
-I had to run 20 miles per hour to catch a train that was about to leave me behind. Twice.
-I had the pleasure of having my job suck all the joy from my life.
-I went crazy.
-I had to be away from family and friends on my birthday.
-I destroyed my bedroom in a fit of rage.
-I had to help a stupid bitch plan her April 26, 2008 wedding.
-The migraine from Hell infiltrated my life, and hasn't left yet....
-My mom accidentally sprayed me with mase.
July, these are just a FEW of the shitty things that have happened to me since June's arrival. And she's still here! Oh man, I cannot WAIT for her to leave.
I'm hoping we can have a better time than June and I did. You will be here for approximately 31 days, and I'm trying to plan some really great activities for us to do together. So please hurry, because if I have to look at June for another day I will stab myself in the eye.
Your friend,
g.
P.S. Don't forget to bring your bathing suit!
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Make Lemonade.
Look, I know I just blogged less than 24 hours ago. So sue me.
Life itself never ceases to amaze me. Last night I talked to God for over an hour before I realized he wasn't listening. I guess he had other more pressing issues to attend to, which is fine. I feel like I'm at the lunchmeat counter at Giant, and you have to take a number to be helped. Well, I've taken my number, and now I am waiting not-so-patiently for my help.
Or maybe He WAS listening, which is why I'm able to wiggle my fingers and toes today.
Either way, I woke up this morning. I walked outside and took and deep breath. It's a beautiful day. It's sunny and warm. Life is here. It's all around me.
There are butterflies in the front yard and squirrels in the backyard. I don't really like squirrels, though. One time they invaded my house and moved all of their squirrel belongings into my attic and tried to have a party. My dad chased them around with a beebee gun. I'm getting a little off topic here, sorry about that.
My point is that I am here. I was granted another day on this rotating ball we call Earth. I think sometimes we lose sight of the fact that tomorrow is not promised to us. So in the time that we are here, we should learn to make the best of our time. And when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
I think I'm going to write a book. It will be the "Autobiography of Gretchen". It probably won't be a bestseller, but who cares? Not everyone will want to read the story of my life, but I believe that once you pick up the book, you won't be able to put it down. I have seen many things and had many life experiences in the time that I've been around. And who knows how long I'm going to be around for? If I live to be 97, that equals 35,405 days of utter excitement. Cause let's face it; it's never a dull moment around here. Of course, it would not be published until after my death, so I wouldn't be able to see if anyone actually READ the book, but once again, who cares? No one could read it, for all I care. It would be own little accomplishment. And if you don't wanna read it, screw you. I probably talked trash about you in it anyway.
That's my thought for the day. I'm going to move my blog soon to an undisclosed location. If anyone actually reads my rantings, let me know, I'll give you the link.
Trudge forward, earthlings!
Life itself never ceases to amaze me. Last night I talked to God for over an hour before I realized he wasn't listening. I guess he had other more pressing issues to attend to, which is fine. I feel like I'm at the lunchmeat counter at Giant, and you have to take a number to be helped. Well, I've taken my number, and now I am waiting not-so-patiently for my help.
Or maybe He WAS listening, which is why I'm able to wiggle my fingers and toes today.
Either way, I woke up this morning. I walked outside and took and deep breath. It's a beautiful day. It's sunny and warm. Life is here. It's all around me.
There are butterflies in the front yard and squirrels in the backyard. I don't really like squirrels, though. One time they invaded my house and moved all of their squirrel belongings into my attic and tried to have a party. My dad chased them around with a beebee gun. I'm getting a little off topic here, sorry about that.
My point is that I am here. I was granted another day on this rotating ball we call Earth. I think sometimes we lose sight of the fact that tomorrow is not promised to us. So in the time that we are here, we should learn to make the best of our time. And when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
I think I'm going to write a book. It will be the "Autobiography of Gretchen". It probably won't be a bestseller, but who cares? Not everyone will want to read the story of my life, but I believe that once you pick up the book, you won't be able to put it down. I have seen many things and had many life experiences in the time that I've been around. And who knows how long I'm going to be around for? If I live to be 97, that equals 35,405 days of utter excitement. Cause let's face it; it's never a dull moment around here. Of course, it would not be published until after my death, so I wouldn't be able to see if anyone actually READ the book, but once again, who cares? No one could read it, for all I care. It would be own little accomplishment. And if you don't wanna read it, screw you. I probably talked trash about you in it anyway.
That's my thought for the day. I'm going to move my blog soon to an undisclosed location. If anyone actually reads my rantings, let me know, I'll give you the link.
Trudge forward, earthlings!
Friday, June 15, 2007
Top 10 reasons to move to Egypt.
1. The Nile. A beautiful river.
2. The pyramids. Providing lots of places for Gretchen to get lost.
3. That crazy walk those Egyptians got goin' on. I heard someone even wrote a song about it!
4. Sahara freakin' desert. Sure it's hot, but so is Pennsylvania.... right?
5. Hieroglyphics. It's always fun learning a new language!
I couldn't think of ten reasons.... so I just included five. Ahhh, fuck it.
Th-th-th-that's all, folks!
2. The pyramids. Providing lots of places for Gretchen to get lost.
3. That crazy walk those Egyptians got goin' on. I heard someone even wrote a song about it!
4. Sahara freakin' desert. Sure it's hot, but so is Pennsylvania.... right?
5. Hieroglyphics. It's always fun learning a new language!
I couldn't think of ten reasons.... so I just included five. Ahhh, fuck it.
Th-th-th-that's all, folks!
Friday, June 1, 2007
Hello little girl, is your mother in?
Sometimes things happen to me that are a little out of the ordinary, and I wish that there was someone to witness the madness as it occurs. But once again, in this case, there were no witnesses.
Last weekend I heard a knock on my front door. My parents were upstairs and didn't hear it, so I went into the living room and looked out the window. Usually it's a random friend of mine who doesn't know how to use a cell phone and decides to just stop by, which is fine. But this time I didn't recognize the car, but I opened the door anyway.
It turned out to be a guy who was dropping some papers off for my parents, which is a pretty normal scenario. He said, "Hello miss, are Mr. or Mrs. Hunsberger in?" Now, my parents REALLY don't like to be bothered with such things, and talking to people in the outside world is not my mothers strong suit, so I said, "No, unfortunately they are not." (There were like,7 cars in my driveway at the time, so of course he didn't believe me, and I didn't really expect him to). So he says, "Oh, are you their daughter?" I stated that I was indeed their daughter. He looked at me with despair on his face, like he really was distraught about something. So he thinks for a minute, and then finally, he says, "Well, I suppose I can leave these papers with you... but I can only leave them with an adult." So he looks at me with a look that you would give a little girl who is about to receive a very important task, such as feeding the doggy. And he says to me, in an I'm-speaking-to-a-5-year-old voice, "Are you at least 18?"
I guess it just kinda took my by surprise. I was so surprised, in fact, that I started laughing hysterically. Right in his face. I managed to stutter, "I'm 24...." and he just looked at me like I couldn't POSSIBLY be telling him the truth. Now I know I don't quite look my age, and I am only 5'2'.... but still, 18? He wasn't even sure if I was 18! I could see MAYBE if he had said it in such a way as to verify that I was "a legal adult", but that was not the way he said it. He honestly did not know if I was 18 or not. It's not like I came to the door holding a Polly Pocket toy and wearing a Burger King Kid's Meal hat with a lollipop hanging outta my mouth. I was wearing my 24 year old clothes and speaking in my big girl voice.
So anyway, I obviously embarrased him and he handed me the papers and drove away. It was a great time, and it was the highlight of my day. Just thought I would share that story since my 25th birthday is almost upon us.... hey, let's get together and celebrate!
Last weekend I heard a knock on my front door. My parents were upstairs and didn't hear it, so I went into the living room and looked out the window. Usually it's a random friend of mine who doesn't know how to use a cell phone and decides to just stop by, which is fine. But this time I didn't recognize the car, but I opened the door anyway.
It turned out to be a guy who was dropping some papers off for my parents, which is a pretty normal scenario. He said, "Hello miss, are Mr. or Mrs. Hunsberger in?" Now, my parents REALLY don't like to be bothered with such things, and talking to people in the outside world is not my mothers strong suit, so I said, "No, unfortunately they are not." (There were like,7 cars in my driveway at the time, so of course he didn't believe me, and I didn't really expect him to). So he says, "Oh, are you their daughter?" I stated that I was indeed their daughter. He looked at me with despair on his face, like he really was distraught about something. So he thinks for a minute, and then finally, he says, "Well, I suppose I can leave these papers with you... but I can only leave them with an adult." So he looks at me with a look that you would give a little girl who is about to receive a very important task, such as feeding the doggy. And he says to me, in an I'm-speaking-to-a-5-year-old voice, "Are you at least 18?"
I guess it just kinda took my by surprise. I was so surprised, in fact, that I started laughing hysterically. Right in his face. I managed to stutter, "I'm 24...." and he just looked at me like I couldn't POSSIBLY be telling him the truth. Now I know I don't quite look my age, and I am only 5'2'.... but still, 18? He wasn't even sure if I was 18! I could see MAYBE if he had said it in such a way as to verify that I was "a legal adult", but that was not the way he said it. He honestly did not know if I was 18 or not. It's not like I came to the door holding a Polly Pocket toy and wearing a Burger King Kid's Meal hat with a lollipop hanging outta my mouth. I was wearing my 24 year old clothes and speaking in my big girl voice.
So anyway, I obviously embarrased him and he handed me the papers and drove away. It was a great time, and it was the highlight of my day. Just thought I would share that story since my 25th birthday is almost upon us.... hey, let's get together and celebrate!
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