Mischief and Mayhem

I hope everyone had a good Halloween!

You know, as the years go on it seems that mischief night is becoming a thing of the past. But every now and then, somebody will do something minorly amusing in my area. On Halloween morning, when I arrived at work, I had the pleasure of seeing a corporate asshole's car covered with shaving cream. I guess he was in a hurry in the morning, because his cleanup job was extremely half assed. Serves him right for being a dick.

Then, at lunch, a guy dressed as Superman delivered pizza to one of our offices. This made me happy, because I like when people get into the spirit of the holiday. The corporate people, though, couldn't have seen it as more repulsing. They were like, "Did you SEE that guy? He's so brave to dress up like Superman...." It's Halloween, assholes! If it was any other day, I may have batted an eye. Just because you're miserable and have no life doesn't mean you can bring the rest of us down with you. I hope someone toilet papers your house.

In other news, I went to Wendy's today on my lunch break and ordered their new Big Bacon Melted Cheddar Cheese concotion, and let me tell ya, I was not pleased. First of all, I ordered the biggest one they had, for some reason, and I could barely get it into my mouth. Secondly, since I wore my hair down today, it was inevitable that I would get some cheddar cheese in it. Nothing about the burger pleased me at all. It was messy, greasy, and sloppier than it should have been. And of course, as I'm eating the damn thing, Virtual Insanity by Jamiroqui comes on, and I started belting it out in the Wendy's parking lot. This time, I made a double fool of myself, because not only did someone hear me, but it was a client from my office. Whoops! She just smiled, and I drove away with cheese in my hair.

I put new pictures in my slideshow, check them out if you get bored.

To all my friends I saw at ICP: I had a great time with you guys, and I'm looking forward to seeing you kids at the Tech N9ne show! Be there or be square!

Welcome to Corporate America!

I started my new job on Monday. Things have been a little hectic, so I apologize to those I haven't had a chance to call.

I have never had the opportunity to really work in a "corporate" setting before, so let me tell you, this is a new experience for me. In my company, people go in and out of their offices, all day, and I really have no idea what they do. They have top secret meetings and business lunches with "important" clients.... but what are they really DOING in there? Are they trading top secret information about new inventions? Or are they just pretending to be larger than life so people think they are important? Whatever the case is, they all wear expensive business suits, and they are ALWAYS in a hurry.

I don't know that this is the type of life I was made for, but I do a damn good job of acting like an all around business woman while I'm there. For instance, take Jeff, the guy who trained me. Nice blank pants, long sleeve button down shirt, spoke to clients in a professional manner. He seemed like perfect "corporate guy" material. But when I actually had the opportunity to talk to him, I realized this was pretty much completely untrue. I mean, he could turn it on when necessary, but outside of work, all he wanted to do was skateboard and listen to punk rock. His entire body was filled with tattoos, from head to toe. He liked conspiracy theories and he disliked the government. While he was at work though, you'd never guess he was just playing a role.

Perhaps this is what we all do... do we all pretend to be something we're not from time to time? Or is it that we haven't "grown up" yet? If running around like a crazy woman getting all stressed out over little things, wondering if my next client will be on time for our meeting is "growing up", count me out. I'll stay 24 forever.

I think it's just a charade. In which case, I'm glad I took all those acting classes. Sure, I'll go to work and pretend to care, I'll pretend to be the prim and proper business woman in the black pants and button down shirts. I'll stay "in character" for the duration of my work day. But once I get in the car to drive home, I'm rolling down the windows, letting the wind blow through my hair, and popping in some Insane Clown Posse for my listening pleasure.

It was inevitable that I would have to hang up my UFO pants and put away my orange hair dye if I wanted to get a "real" job. But remember, they are still in my closet somewhere.......

Wish me luck on my second week!

The hair salon is the place to be.

So I went to the hair salon today, and this is what I'm wondering...

Why is it that people feel they can talk to the hairdresser about ANYTHING? Is is because you dont actually know this person, so perhaps they can give you insight on things that a friend can't? Or is it just because you don't want there to be an awkward silence, so you just say whatever is going on in your life? Either way, not only will she cut your hair, but a hairdresser will also be your best friend.

But then again... can you REALLY trust a hairdresser? The hair salon is well known for being the place where all the gossip columns go to for their information. Who's pregnant by who? Who got fired from where? You never wanna give TOO much information to the hairdresser... it just may end up on the evening news. Of course, if you WANT the latest gossip, they will provide this to you at no extra fee.

I don't have too much trouble with gossipy hairdressers... everyone that goes to my hair salon is 90 years old. But sometimes they are even worse! They always seem to know the business of everyone in their neighborhood. But apparantly not much is going on my area right now.... all I heard about today was how Mabel's husband had ANOTHER heart attack, and how Agatha dropped her cane and could barely pick it up! Geez, Agatha... hold on to that thing! Butter fingers!

Usually the news is a bit more scandalous. Slow news day, I guess.

Perhaps the hairdressers are the ones who formed the "Neighborhood Watch".... I wouldn't doubt it for a second! Sneaky sneaky!

Anyway... I got my hair cut and blown out, so now I look like an 80's rock star. Unlike last time, when I looked like sloppy Britney Spears.

I hope everyone has a good weekend!

I could care less if your toilet is overflowing.

That's right folks.... I'm officially leaving the hotel industry. Of course, I'm well aware that people can scream at me in pretty much ANY line of work, but I'm willing to take the jump into (semi) unknown waters. Send good thoughts about me into the air, cross your fingers, pray, do a little dance, do whatever it is you do to wish me some luck.

My weekends will still be free, so if anybody wants to hang out we can drop it like it's hot, or whatever those crazy kids are doing these days.

To my Expressors-- truck on, my friends! I'll be right around the way, and you all have my number, so let's chill like ice cubes on a weekly basis.

I really just didn't wanna wear this dumb blue shirt anymore.

I'll give you an update once I start! Peace out for now.

Chaos? You bet!

Well, Im back from my hiatus. I took some time to myself to ponder life, but now Im back and better than ever! Heres a recap of some stuff thats been going on.

I found out I do NOT have tuberculosis. LONG story.

I went to the Poconos and hung out with nature. Chatted with some deer, went for a walk with some geese. It was very relaxing and I had a wonderful time. I cant wait to go back in December... I hope theres snow on the ground. I wanna go snowtubing!

I got my car back, only to be told that my battery is almost dead. Man, if its not one thing....
I danced like a fool with Grapes and Amanda at Maddies, which is a very nice place by the way. I think Ill go there more often. They have blinking palm trees there, which is was fascinated by.

And then.... the bomb dropped!

My boss and very close friend James is leaving our Holiday Inn Express to go to the Holiday Inn Express of Boston-Cambridge. Now, I am very proud of him, and very happy for him, but I am also devastated! How can this happen? How can my friend DO this to me? I simply cannot comprehend what is happening here. Little does he know, David Scott and I are planning on burning his new hotel down before he gets there. Whoops!

I feel like everything is up in the air. My once happy-go-lucky life is now filled with uncertainty! Theres a lot on my mind, kids........

VH1's Worst Week Ever - Gretchen Edition.

I'm not even quite sure where to start....

Sunday my car started making a funny sound, like my brakes were grinding together. I guess that's where everything started.

Monday sucked. I called Hyundai and explained my car sound to them, and they asked me if I could bring my car in right then and there. I told them no, I had to go to work, and they were like, "Well, it's too dangerous to drive, but if you bring it in now, along with 3 million dollars, we'll look at if for you." I said no thanks, I was about 3 million dollars short. So I went to work, which absloutely blew. A bunch of assholes who thought they were God's gift to the earth were staying at the hotel. I wanted to punch every last one of them in the eye. I tried to quit 3 times, but my co-worker wouldn't let me leave. I went home and went to bed.

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I couldn't get to the mechanic on Tuesday morning. So I decided to head to work. I didn't even get halfway there, and my car started acting funny and making horrible noises. I wasn't quite sure whether I would live or die, so I drove straight to the mechanic and called a friend to come get me and take me to work. After my scary experience with the car, I didn't think my day could get any worse. Surprise! I was wrong.

We had a managers reception at the hotel for our guests (even though we ate most of the food). So after we were done setting up the food, I accidentally stuck my hand in some toxic crap (the stuff you light that heats up pans of food, if you know what I'm talking about). I thought I had gotten it all off my hands, but I didn't, and I started stuffing my face with ziti, and the toxic crap somehow got into my mouth..... it was very nasty to say the least. I washed my mouth out, but I was still scarred for life.

That's when the storm of the century came through!

The winds blew, the rain fell, the earth shook. The hotel lost power a few times. The damn alarm kept going off, my boss almost got electrocuted... it sucked. My mom called and said the power at my house kept flickering on and off, so I figured I would stay a the hotel. But of course, I didn't have any of my stuff with me, and no car, so my bestest friend Kim said she would come get me and bring me back to the hotel after i got my stuff. WOOO!

So, she came and got me, and she asked if I would drive her car since I knew the roads better. So we hopped in the car and headed towards Collegeville.

We were greeted with disaster! Trees were down, traffic lights were out, it was NOT a good time. I couldn't even drive on my street, they had it closed off. I finally found a cop and after I told him where I lived, he let me through, but he gave me some words of warning: "Drive quickly past the telephone pole that's on fire, we think it may fall over. Drive down the wrong side of the street so you don't hit the tree. You should be good!"

Awesome. Sign me up for that.

We get to my house, I pack my suitcase, and I'm out! Driving back to the hotel, I drove over a tree in my best friends car. Wheeee!

Back at the hotel, I return to my room to find a Holiday Inn Express slumber party is taking place, filled with UNO and Crunch Berries. Needlees to say, I didn't get much sleep. At least there was no 3 AM dance party this time.

This brings me to Wednesday. Also very sucky! Had a mental breakdown at work, ate 40 bags of Peanut M&M's, and eventually Amanda came to get me and take me home so I could get some sleep. But Wednesday night was no better. Broke up with Rockstar, got absolutely no sleep. Is this really the end of my relationship with him? After giving it MUCH thought, I say doubtful.... too much is left undone. I'm just gonna breathe for right now. And that's all I have to say about that at this point.

Today is Thursday. I called out of work due to mental instablity. Pretty good reason, in my opinion. But I DID get good news today, my car is done! The bad news.... it costs 3 million dollars to go pick it up. Anyone got 3 million dollars I can borrow?

I'm taking a vacation, I'm going on hiatus. Pray for me, my friends! I'll see you on the other side of the rainbow!

It's 10 PM. Do you know where your girlfriend is?

Sadly, not many people will get that joke. But if you are one of the lucky few, do you know where she is? I mean, seriously, do you REALLY know where she is? Not where she SAID she was gonna be, but where she actually went?

Back in the day, I posted a rather depressing blog about greeting my harsh realities. In that blog, I mentioned the ticking of a nearby clock slowly driving me insane. (Or maybe that was two different blogs, I can't actually recall at this time.) That may have been the same week that the butterfly chased me down the street. Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that the ticking is back, and this time it's even louder and more in-my-face than before.

Why the insanity, you ask? I hate not having all the answers. I like everything to be laid out in front of me in numerical order, grouped by color. I'm a meticulous person. I try to be very organized, and at the first sign of chaos, I melt like a stick of butter that's been out in the sun too long. And it WAS rather hot today..... consider this my melting period.

Back when I was a kid, I never had ANYTHING figured out. That's how I was back then. I just figured I would live until I died. Anything that happened in between would be pretty cool. As I grew up, I tried to make plans, as many of us do, but you know what they say about the "Best laid plans of mice and men..." Actually, I really don't know what they say about that, but I'm guessing that those plans frequently get screwed up for one reason or another. Anyway, as soon as I thought I had something figured out, and I just absolutely KNEW things were gonna go a certain way, they didn't. And of course, my happy little world got rained on every time this happened. How many things was I absolutely SURE of that didn't pan out? Numerous. Countless. You think I would have learned by now.

So here I am again. But this time, things are gonna be a little different. I never know what's what from one minute to the next, so how could I possibly see where I will be in one year from now? No more plans for me. No more "Best laid plans of... whatever the hell." I'm gonna go back to doing what I did when I was little, because that seemed to work best for me. I'm gonna live, and I'm gonna live until I die. And things in between will be pretty cool. I can promise you that.
What happens, happens. And I will love it if you're there with me.

I'm starting to sound like David Scott. That's really scary. What the crap?!?!?!

Where there's no smoke, there's no fire.

First of all, I would like to say that I can't believe Paris Hilton has a song on the radio. Is this what radio has come to? Has anyone else heard this song yet? It's called "Stars Are Blind". Look, if stars are blind, music executives are deaf because that song flat out sucks. I have more talent in my left pinky then she does in her whole body, and that's not saying much, cause my left pinky doesn't do very much singing.

I heard this song as I was headed to work tonight. Now, I usually never work on Saturdays, but I decided to go in for a few hours in the evening to help out because it was very busy. And that is the LAST time I ever do that.

I got to work around 4:30, and I hadn't even clocked in yet when I was greeted with disaster. I walked into the lobby of the hotel, and there's a guy screaming at the top of lungs "There's a fire in my room!" I should have just turned around right there and got back in my car and drove home, but the "responsible" part of me decided to stay and assess the situation.

I walked over to the gentleman and said, "Sir, what exactly is on fire in your room?" He thought for a minute, and then said, "The TV." I wondered what why it took him so long to think about that, and then I asked him, "Are there actual flames and smoke?" He thought for another minute, and said, "No, but it's on fire."

What? What kind of sense does THAT make?

So I said, "Ok, sir, did you call the fire department?" He says, "No, I didn't." Now, I don't know how other people in this world do things, but here's what I DO know. If there is a fire in my room, I'm gonna call the fire department. I'm going to attempt to rectify the situation. I'm not gonna stand around and scream about it for an hour and pray for some rain.

I went up to the room, and whattya know? There's no fire. Yes, it smelled a little funny because the TV had short circuited, but there were no exciting flames and no billowing smoke. I went back downstairs and there's the guy, still standing in the lobby. He starts shouting at me. "I can't believe you're not going to do anything about this!" I said, "Sir, I switched you to another room, everything is under control." He says, "You need to call the fire department!" I calmly tried to explain to him that there was no fire, that there never was a fire, that there will never be a fire. This displeases him, and he shouts, "I'm gonna pull the fire alarm!" Now, THAT pisses me off, cause now we're talking about the sprinklers going off, and I don't play that game. I looked him in the eye and said, "If you pull that alarm, there's gonna be trouble. The police will come and you're gonna get fined. I wouldn't suggest doing that." He thought about that for a minute, and then said, "Ok, but I'M going to call the fire department myself." I gave him the number and told him to have a blast.

It took FOREVER for the fire department to show up! But when they finally DID come, they weren't playing around. They must have brought every person in the East Whiteland FD with them. I took them up to the room, and the fireman turned to me and said, "There's no fire here." I just wanted to say, "Really? No shit!" But I didn't.

The firemen declared the area safe and everything was gravy. We went back downstairs and the guy was STILL sitting in the lobby. The head fire guy said, "Sir, are you the gentleman that called about the fire?" He said that he was, and the fire guy said, "Well, there's no fire, and everything is ok. We checked the area and the hotel is safe." The guy went back upstairs and I didn't hear a peep out of him for the rest of the night. Dumbass.

As the fire department was leaving, a family was attempting to check in. They had a little boy with them who couldn't have been older than 5. He ran right over to me and shouted, "I LOVE FIRETRUCKS!"

That made me feel a little better.

I hope everyone's weekend is going well!

Has the whole world gone crazy?

I find it very confusing how quickly people change. Of course, I'm a woman, so I'm entitled to change my mind every 3 seconds. But as I look at the people around me, I'm realizing that not everything is flowers and happiness. I'm not quite sure I know what caused this, but people are changing right before my very eyes and it's weird to see. Am I changing too? I don't know, but if I am, I know it's for the better. Which is more than I can say for some people. Also, didn't anyone ever hear the phrase, "If you don't have anything nice to say, shut your face?" Not everything is doom and gloom ya know, people.

Does anyone know the meaning of a "true friend"? I think it has something to do with trust and companionship and helping each other get through rough times. My true friends know who they are. And it's not because I tell them, it's because they just know. So take that, fake friends!

On a lighter note.....

I got my hair cut on Friday. Unless you're really looking at it, you can't really tell, cause I didn't have too much taken off. But anyway, the woman who usually cuts my hair tripped over her dog and broke her wrist. Ouchies! So another woman at the same salon said she would squeeze me in and cut it for me, which was very nice of her. Everything was going great! She was cutting my hair, I was just chilling. She styled it for me too, and she pumped it up in the back so it looked like it had more volume. She gave me some soft curls, and it looked great! So I'm looking in all the mirrors, admiring this lovely hairstyle this woman has created, and the woman is telling me, "ALL the stars are wearing their hair this way. It's all the rage and it's super trendy. Every celebrity woman is styling their hair like this....." and she hands me some celebrity filled magazine. She says, "See, look!" And sure enough, she shows me a picture of Britney Spears. And I don't mean Britney "You're toxic, I'm slipping under, I can't get no satisfaction" Spears. I mean Britney "I almost dropped my baby and my husband parties all night and I'm a big fat cow and my boobs are hanging outta my shirt" Spears. The look on my face must have been priceless. She's showing me a picture of Britney Spears and telling me that I now resemble her. (Even if it IS only because of my hairstyle, I don't care.) I was somewhat mortified, but at that point, what could I do? I mean, come on, all the FABULOUS people look like white trash, right?

In the end, I guess it didn't really matter, because the next day when I washed my hair all the "styling" was gone anyway. Looks like I'll have to find a new way to look trashy all by myself, without the help of a hairdresser. I really did like the hairstyle too, which is the bitch about the whole situation.

Hope everyone has an awesome week, filled with rainbows and sunshine.

Atlantic City Allstars!

Just got back from Atlantic City, and I'm freakin exhausted!

The HIE crew and I took the train down to good old A.C., and I had an awesome time. It would be too much to comment on ALL of the events of the trip, but I will recap some highlights.

I almost killed quite a few people with my burdensome purple suitcase. Tripping people, running people over, and otherwise crushing them with the weight of the suitcase... you would think I was going away for months the way I packed.

I lost my money playing Roulette. You'd think that I would hate the game that I squandered all of my money on, but it's my new favorite game! Red, black..... it was all very exciting! I never knew money could fly out of your wallet so quickly.

I didn't tip the drink girl cause I ran out of money at the Roulette table. Sorry, drink girl.

James and I almost died on the "Escalator of Death" in the House of Blues section. Seriously, that thing is gonna send someone flying headfirst onto the casino floor sometime real soon.

No one told me that there was going to be a random dance party at 3 a.m. in my hotel room.
James and I were almost in dreamland when David Scott decided he wanted to have a party, and we were the guests of honor. At first I couldn't even see what was happening, but then I put my glasses on and witnessed David dropping it like it's hot. It was like nothing I've ever seen, honestly. One minute he was completely quiet, and I was almost asleep, and the next minute David is whipping his shirt around, playing air guitar, and partying like it's 1999. I've never seen anyone rock out to B.O.B by Outkast like I did at that point in time. This continued for about 45 minutes, until James threatened to throw him out of our 15th story window. He quieted down and decided to go lose more money at the Monopoly slots.

The next morning was full of Starbucks goodness, and a lot of whining because no one got any sleep the night before due to the 3 a.m. dance party extravaganza. We walked a gazillion miles to the outlet shops, walked a gazillion miles back to the hotel, then took the "scenic" route back to the train station. We pissed off our "Jitney" driver, got safely on the train, and no one died from being impaled by my purple suitcase. I would say the trip was a success! I had a wonderful time and I can't wait to do it again very soon.

Whattaya say guys.... roulette, anyone?

06-06-06

Well here it is, it's officially 06-06-06. Is it the devil's day? Is it the day the world falls apart? Is it the day they let all the psychos out of the mental institution?

Nope. It's my birthday! Happy birthday to me!

P.S. If those things DO happen, it wasn't my fault. I swear.

Ode to Geminis!

As the Gemini season is upon us (May 20-June 20), I thought I'd pay homage to all my Gemini friends who are just as crazy as I am. Here's a little something you may already know about yourself.

Geminis are very picky, but also like to "go with the flow". We're a little irresponsible, and we're afraid of commitment. We're somewhat unreliable and pretty flakey. We'll leave your party in a hot second if we think there's a better party going on somewhere else. We do things that are amusing at the time, with little regard to the consequences. A Gemini has the attention span of a three year old. (What was I talking about again? Oh yeah.... Look! That cloud looks like a pony!)
We're greedy.... we want it all! What's wrong with that? Geminis are very flighty.... now you see me, now you don't. Oh, and we don't get mad, we get even.

As far as love goes, Geminis have been known to have 2 or 3 dates for the same evening. And you simply MUST keep us interested... we'll drop you like a bad habit and date your best friend all in one day, without even blinking. We LOVE the thrill of the chase.... but that's about it. Of course, we warn you of this from Day 1.... but do you listen? Of course not.

We're the ones driving the getaway car in the bank robbery.

We're the ones doing 180 mph down the freeway in someone else's car.

We're the ones in the penthouse suite over looking the ocean that someone else is paying for. (Ahhh... memories......)

Here's a list of a few famous Geminis:

Errol Flynn- June 20, 1909. Hollywood hellraiser and notorious sex machine.

Paul Gauguin- June 7, 1848. Impressionist painter. Dumped his job as a stockbroker, abandoned his family, and ran away to Tahiti to paint Tahitian beauties.

Marquis de Sade- June 2, 1740. Father of "Sadism". Inventor of using whips, chains, and paddles for foreplay. While imprisoned for sexual vices, he wrote down his every fantasy.

*I must give credit where credit is due. I learned most of this from Darkside Zodiac by Stella Hyde. Buy it and learn everything you didn't wanna know about yourself. The rest I learned from simply being a Gemini. We're a crazy bunch..... but that's what makes us fun!

I think my eye fell out.

When are people going to learn that when you go to a hotel, you really should be nice to the front desk staff. If you're an asshole, watch out. I'll put you in a room that's right next to the elevator AND the ice machine, on the same floor as the extremely obnoxious teenage girls lacrosse team quicker than you can say, "I MUST have a quiet room". Oh, you wanna be a smartass? Your rate just went up $20. Please don't mess with the front desk staff.... they can be your best friends or your worst enemies. Your call!

Also.... for the 90th time..... the girl at the front desk is not included in the price of the room. I don't care who you are, what business you're with, or where you're from. Unless, of course, you're Croatian..... DAMN you Croatians! Where are you all coming from? (I know, I know... Croatia.)

As if my drive TO work wasn't bad enough, today some guy flipped me off on my way home, for absolutely no reason other than I didn't wanna drive over 70 mph. Go around me! What the hell?!?! Don't flip random people off, you don't know who's gonna throw a brick through your windshield. (Not that I would ever do such a thing.....) I have been known to get outta my car and whoop an ass or two. Don't tempt me!

P.S. to all my contact lens wearing friends.... Don't stick a bar of soap in your eye while your contacts are in. It burns like hell! Actually, don't stick a bar of soap in your eye at all, ever..... note to self.

Back to my regularly scheduled programming.

It's been a crazy last couple of days!

Wednesday night Grapes and I went to Mckenzie's of Malvern, they just built it. The place is pretty cool. I checked out pretty much the whole building.... NO ELECTRONIC DARTS! Somebody is gonna hear about this one. But other than that, it's a pretty nice place. We sat and drank Mckenzie's beer, which isn't really anything to write home about. Johnny Famous was there, doing the whole karaoke thang, and it was good to see him. This guy dressed up as Captain Morgan was there, handing out free Captain Morgan stuff, so that was pretty cool, except when he started handing out free drinks. I TOTALLY FORGOT about my "No Soda Diet". He gave me a little shot glass of Captain and Coke, and I was like, "Sure, I'll take it!" without even thinking twice. I had two of those when I realized that there was soda in it. I started yelling at Grapes, like it's his fault, and then slammed my shot glass down in a fit of rage. I was so mad at myself! But I'm not gonna let it upset me or throw me off my game..... I'm still continuing my "No Soda Diet". Today is Day 10 (I'm not counting the "incident" as an actual drink of soda due to it's accidental nature). I'm doing ok. I almost had a moment of weakness today.... but then I calmed down, did some deep breathing, and drank some water. Don't they have a 1-800 number I can call for support?

Well anyway, after the "incident", Grapes and I had our picture taken with Captain Morgan, which made me feel a little better.

Thursday I saw Mika and Travis and the whole GOTJ crew (minus Jersey). It was nice. Does anyone have a video camera to tape this madness that's going to occur? If not, someone should seriously consider getting one, because madness WILL be occuring.

This weekend was nice. I went to Jersey with my parents on a mini-vacation. We stayed at the Crowne Plaza in Englewood, which was a VERY nice hotel, minus the fact that they authorized $400 on my debit card that I didn't have for NO REASON.... dicks. Gimme back my money!

It was a nice weekend, but I'm glad to be home. It IS true what they say about Jersey drivers.... absolute chaos. Sorry to my Jersey friends, but your state must hand out driver's licenses at your local convenience stores. I almost got killed TWICE by those assholes!

Oh, Happy Mother's Day to all of my friends out there with children.Some guy wished me a Happy Mother's Day and I almost kicked him in the groin. I'm not a very nice person. But anyway, Happy Mommy Day to you and your mommies and your grandmommies.

I miss you, Dr. Pepper!

Ok. So this is day 5 of the "No Soda Diet". It's not going well for me. I'm going through total withdrawl! I'm shaking, confused, and disoriented. But think of all the weight I'm losing! Of course, everyone around me drinks their soda in my face, as if to say, "Look at this delicious soda I'm drinking! It's so yummy and delightful!" And here I am, with my stupid water bottle, sucking down water like I enjoy it or something. I'm trying to see if I can last 2 weeks...... that's 14 damn days! Shoot me now!

And now, for some GOOD news. I held my best friends hand the other day and it felt SO good. It was like she never left me. She just stared at me and knew everything that had been going on with me since we last talked MONTHS ago.... it was awesome. She's giving me the courage to do the things I need to do right now, and I'm so lucky to have her in my life. It's great to see that when you have that kind of connection with someone, it doesn't just disappear. Awesome stuff. Friends, please call your best friend and tell him/her that you love them.

On the flip side, a few people have upset me lately, and I'm learning that some things just aren't worth my time and energy. Someday I'll learn not to take this personally.

So much to do..... so little time! I need a personal assistant. To apply for this position, you must be a male between the ages of 22-29, very mature, and enjoy longs walks on the beach. Married men need not apply. Croatians welcome.

My morning commute, always an adventure!

I know I just blogged the other day, but I just wanted to share this with you.

Today on my way to work, some guy tried to "holla" at me, as they say, while I was driving down the road. Normally, this wouldn't be a huge problem, except that THIS guy was driving one of those Scion-type cars. You know, the one that looks likes a box with wheels. I HATE these cars. I mean, seriously. If you're gonna buy a car, don't buy a car that looks like a refrigerator. It's not practical unless I can store my meats in there without them getting warm, and your car does not provide this amenity, so why would you buy it? It is the UGLIEST car I've ever seen. I don't care HOW attractive you are, if you are driving one those cars don't even look at me. Why don't you take off those $300 sunglasses, sell them, and use that money to help buy yourself a new car. Preferably one that doesn't look like a box. THEN you can hang out your window all you want, trying to talk to me. And learn how to use a turn signal too, you dick.

April showers bring..... death and destruction?

Woah! It's only the 2nd day of May, and this month just might go down in Guinness for being the suckiest month on record. This blog may sound somewhat depressing, but I'm actually in a pretty good mood, so please think happy thoughts while reading it!

It's been a long time since I was up at 2:30 in the morning writing. But when something hits you at 2:30 in the morning, you have to write it down or else you'll be up all night thinking about it. Or you'll fall asleep and forget it, which is sometimes worse.

In case you don't know, I have a hard time getting close to people, places and things. I've recently come across some people who have the same problem, and I'm hoping I can give some insight as to why that is. Stay with me, we're getting deep here. (Just for like, 3 seconds.)

I know why I have a tough time getting close to people. People come and go like gusts of wind. Some people enter your life with such a splash, they can make such an impact. But before you realize it, they're gone, for whatever reason. It can hurt like hell, until you meet another person who will inevitably do the exact same thing to you. Few people stick around. I think I have become like this, and I apologize to anyone I've done this to. Please track me down and punch me in the face.

You can't even get close to places. I fell in love with my summer vacation spot, and it's now gone. I fell in love with my winter vacation spot, it's now also gone (but not completely..... that's another blog for another day). I used to love that big old mound of dirt back behind Giant where the boys used to ride their dirt bikes.... there's a freakin hotel there now! Driving through my town, I realized that there is no land left.... all the land is now being used for townhomes. I mean seriously..... if you blinked, you missed it.

Everyone knows better than to love "things". You can't take them with you! Sure, you have a beautiful car, until you smash it into a tree. (That sounded really morbid, but trust me, it wasn't supposed to.)

Did that help anyone? Or am I just rambling again? Sorry bout that.

In other news, I have bunches of things to look forward to coming up this summer. Not all of them made it to my Myspace calendar, but hopefully soon I'll get the rest of the stuff up there. I put some new pictures up, most of them are of me acting stupid. But man, did I have fun doing it!

I keep thinking about this cruise.... it's calling my name. Maybe I will go after all.... so much for trying to save money. But who needs money? You can't take it with you, right? Didn't we just establish this?

Are you guys watching my birthday clock? Maybe this year I'll finally get the Barbie Pink Corvette Power Wheels.

The rainbow made me do it.

Why is there a man in a white jacket at my front door, politely forcing me to get into the big white van? Cause I'm nuttier than a fruitcake, that's why! He probably saw me get into a fight with that white butterfly on Tuesday. (But seriously, that butterfly shouldn't have been following me around like that.) Or maybe it's because I took a bath in acetone yesterday (but I really wanted to get those fake nails off!) Whatever the reason, they're coming for me, and I promise to go quietly and without incident.

Physically, I'm feeling better (minus the wrinkly skin cause by the acetone). This stupid cold is just about gone, and I can now breathe without hacking up a lung or two. I ripped another contact, so I walked around for a day with one good eyeball. It reminded me of old times, when I did EVERYTHING with one contact in.... school dances, playing badminton (pretty hard with one eye), walking down the runway during my short modeling stint (believe it or not, this was harder than a one eyed badminton tournament). I never tripped, though. Don't even ask me to do a one eyed catwalk now, OR a two eyed catwalk. I'd be on the floor with a broken leg in three seconds. I've turned into such a klutz, even walking is asking too much. Although.... I DID make breakfast for my family on Sunday without burning anything, which is a HUGE deal, if you didnt know. And might I add, it was very good, if I DO say so myself. Maybe I'll do it more often... well, let's not push it. Start small, ya know?

On another note, I went to the mall with my mom today, which is ALWAYS an adventure. I brought her along for my "spring clothes shopping extravaganza", and it was very entertaining. I like bringing my mom with me places, she has a tendency to say things in stores that people shouldn't say out loud, and it's hilarious. Today, for instance, I was picking out clothes to try on, and I'm admiring a shirt thats on one of the "torso" models. She walks right over and says in a pretty loud voice, "Eww, that's just ugly." I laughed so hard I just about cried. Once I got into the fitting room, I opened the door to show her my outfit. She said she liked it, and she wanted to know how much it was. She looked at the price tag and said, "WOW! You can get that for WAY cheaper at Target." It was priceless. In the end, I took about half of the store into the dressing room with me, and came out with 4 nice pieces that fit my outfit criterita:

1. You must fit my awkwardly shaped body.

2. You must be in my price range.

3. You MUST look cute on me.

So all in all, I'm glad I went, and I'm glad my mom came with me. AND, I saved 20% off my final purchase since I shop there a lot.... WAY too much, actually. And, as an added bonus, we saw an AWESOME rainbow on the way home from the mall, and I almost drove off the road while trying to take a picture of it. I almost caused a 15 car pile up on 422, seriously. But it was so pretty..... If the picture actually comes out, I'll put it up so everyone can bask in it's beauty, and NOT cause a 15 car pile up while doing so.

On to my next topic.... of COURSE my vacation plans wouldn't run smoothly. Why would they? I would love to go on a cruise.... but with people dying and ship fires and food poisoning, maybe I'll pass. With MY luck, I'd get drunk and fall overboard. And instead of dying, a police boat would come by and pick me up and I'd get arrested for being drunk in the ocean. It's probably a felony or some crap.

Juggalos, listen. The Gathering is at my house this year. Screw Michigan. Nobody wanted to go there anyway.

Full moon tonight! Watch out for those crazies! I'll be safely tucked away in my little asylum I call home, in my straightjacket.

Sliced Bread.

Why was today, of all days, the hardest of them all?

Was it perhaps the result of a harsh reality setting in? Was it that I had too much time on my hands today to just stand there and think? Maybe it was the ticking of the clock that got to me. Whatever it was, it wasn't pleasant.

I tried counting red cars that drove by to see if red cars outnumbered blue cars. But when you're gazing out the window, your mind tends to wander... well, at least mine does anyway. I've been thinking about the past a lot lately, and not in a "Let's reminisce over good times!" kind of way. I think about how I could have done things differently, and how there's a lot of things I wouldn't have done at all if I could go back. But then, if I HADN'T done these things, I wouldn't be who I am today, now would I? And this gretchen is quite possibly the best gretchen I've ever been. So there's no need to regret anything.... it made me, well, me.

Today, however, I DID find myself thinking about the good times quite a bit. I thought about the places I've been, the people I love, and the places I've been with the people I love.

*Atlantic City on the 4th of July.

*Sitting in Rockstar's backyard looking at the stars.

*Swimming in the Carribbean with my family.

*Sleeping in the car in Toledo.

*My first time at 15 North a year ago and being swept off my feet.

*My 21st birthday.

*Getting lost in Kensington and fearing for my life.

You would think that these happy memories (yes, that last one IS a happy memory) would make me smile, but instead they kinda make me sad. Instead of wanting to go forward, I want to go backwards and do it all again. I want to relive it. I want to see it, feel it, and breathe it. Will I ever have that much fun again? Maybe... I'm sure I will. Time will tell.

While I'm waiting for the dark cloud to pass and for my sunshine to return, there's a few things I'd like to say.

I like Dunkin Donuts breakfast bagels more than Einstein Brothers breakfast bagels.

I love french toast at the HIE. (PLEASE keep that on the menu, James.)

I love Blaze Ya Dead Homey. I mean, Shaggy was good too... but Blaze brings out my innner serial killer.

I love Miller Lite. It's just so damn good! (That sounded like a commercial.... can you picture me holding up a bottle of Miller Lite with a huge drunken smile on my face, saying "It's just so damn good!" They should pay me to be their spokesmodel. They could pay me in beer! On second thought, maybe they shouldn't pay me in beer.... then how would I pay my Visa bill? With a case of Miller Lite? Do you think they'd accept that as a form of payment?)

And last but not least.... I love my new jacuzzi bathtub! I don't think I need to say anything else on that matter. It's simply the best thing since sliced bread. And I DO love me some sliced bread!

Ok, so now I feel a little better. Maybe I'll go jump in the bathtub again, even though I just got out. Maybe I'll take some sliced bread with me, and drink some Miller Lite while listening to Blaze Ya Dead Homey. That would make for a perfect evening.

I'll meet you anytime you want, at our italian restaurant.

This weekend freakin rocked.

It started out with me noticing the moon on Friday night. It looked just like the Cheshire Cat's smile. It was kind of clouded over; it would have made for a nice picture, but seeing as how I left my camera behind almost the entire weekend, I didn't get a shot of it.

I went out to The Pub with the girls on Friday night. I had a blast. We played electronic darts.... could I possibly be addicted to this game? It's just so much fun, regardless of how bad I suck at it. We chilled out with the boys afterwards and I had an excellent time. I ended up leaving their house at around 5 a.m., and I got to watch the sun rise while driving home... it's something I hadn't seen in a while. It put a smile on my face, and all was right with the world.

I slept the day away on Saturday, which was good cause I needed it. When I finally got my ass in gear Saturday night, I wondered what I would do with my evening. As I was pondering this, I got a text message from Jeff, saying that my favorite band was playing at my favorite bar and that he was there. So I hopped in the car and dashed over. I met his new girlfriend, who is a sweetheart, and we just kinda chilled there for a while. It was quite nice.

After a while, I decided to leave. (Keep in mind, this is the same bar from my previous blog, with the guy and the bowling and the wrong car from the valet and THAT whole mess). So, I'm leaving the bar, and I notice a large crowd of people outside in the parking lot. There's a fight taking place, one girl hits another girl, the boyfriends jump in... it turned into a huge scene. Next thing I know, the cops are there and I'M not allowed to leave. I stood next to my car and waved my valet ticket around for a while until someone finally brought me my keys and the cops told me I could go. It was madness.

This brings me to Sunday. Sunday afternoon me and "Mr. Rockstar" went to see Alexa Ray Joel at Immaculata University (Billy Joel's daughter). It was really good! Come to think of it,. I would see her again. I had a good time, even though I got ridiculously sunburnt. (Outside concert + no sunscreen and light skin on sunny day = extremely red body). That was really poor planning on my part.

Afterwards, Rockstar and I went to dinner and like usual, I ate WAY too much. You know, if food wasn't so damn good, I wouldn't eat it so much. But anyway, we had extremely good italian food and our bellies were just plain happy. I really did enjoy myself, and I think Rockstar enjoyed himself, and i would love to do it again sometime soon. It was just an all out good day for me.... I was genuinely happy.

I was sad when the weekend had to end... but I happened to catch a glimpse of the moon before hitting the hay. It was just the way it was when the weekend began, the Cheshire Cat still smiling at me. Call me a silly child, but I thought it was kind of cool. The perfect end to a perfect weekend!

Next weekend I'll bring the camera.... I promise!

I'm not too good at talking to people.

The other night as I was leaving the bar, some guy decided to start talking to me. I don't know why he waited until I was leaving, but whatever. So anyway, he was talking to me, making small talk and all that. And then he asked me, "What do you like to do for fun?" Now, this is a tough question for me to answer, because I don't do stuff..... I mean, I DO stuff, but I kinda just hang out, ya know? So I said the first thing that popped into my head, which was, "I like bowling."

He stared at me for a minute, with a funny look on his face, and after pondering my statement for a minute he finally said, "Bowling is as exciting as watching paint dry." I really didn't know what to say after that.... so I didn't say anything. The conversation was pretty much over at that point.

I waited for the valet parking guy to bring me my car.... but that car he brought me wasn't mine. He brought me some kind of Toyota sports car thing, it was pretty nice. I said, "I WISH that was my car, but it's not, so maybe you could bring me mine? That would be great." After much confusion, they figured it out and brought my car over. I left the non-bowler at the curb, and he looked at me strangely as I drove away bumping some MC Hammer. I stuck my head out of the window and shouted, "What, you don't like MC Hammer, either?" And off i went. I guess some people just don't enjoy my oddness.

Speaking of oddness.... I saw a cow standing very close to the road the other day while I was driving. I moo-ed at it and accidentally almost drove off the road while doing so. It was kind of funny, in a "near death experience" type of way.

Today was lovely because I got the opportunity to go back to the hotel where I used to work in King of Prussia. It was exciting... but I didn't get to see my old office because they are currently using it for storage. But it WAS nice to see my old stomping grounds. I miss it... but not THAT much. I like their new jacuzzi, though. Maybe I'll stop in and use it sometime when no one is looking.

I'm looking forward to this weekend. It better rule or else someone is getting punched in the face.

Bliggity Blog

So last night the girls and I went to The Ridge. And let me tell you, that place is WAY different than I remember it. I guess it's been a while since I've been there.

I had a blast. There was this band playing called Emily's Toybox, and they sing a song called "You're girlfriend is pretty ugly" or something along those lines. It made me giggle a little bit. The lead guitarist was awesome. He had a few solos, and they were EXCELLENT. The quickness with which he slid his fingers up and down was impressive. This always reminds me of how different I am... everybody else in the bar kinda yawns at that sort of thing. I'm standing there breathless, watching his fingers move. I just really enjoyed it, that's all.

The DJ was also very good. It was overall quite a lovely experience.

After we left there we went to the Pub, where I played electronic darts for the first time. I wasn't very good. Apparantly, the goal is to get the lowest score. I'm gonna have to work on that one. Some of my darts didn't even hit the damn board! But who cares, I had a good time. I watched the boys play pool, and I declined the offer to play because I suck. I used to be OK at it..... but lately I just don't even bother. I think I'll stick with electronic darts.

I have been taking more than my share of pictures lately. I would put more up, but Myspace keeps kicking me off everytime I try.

Mika just told me that some guy in her neighborhood shot his wife and then shot himself after a 2 hour standoff with the cops. They evacuated all the homes around there and they brought in the swat team and snipers and all that mess. People are friggin crazy. I'm glad I slept through all that, I'm sure it will be on the news soon. What pissed you off SO MUCH that you had to shoot your damn wife? Move out! Get a divorce! Why you gotta go killing her over it? The guy obviously had a screw loose. And why would you marry someone with THAT much anger? Do you think she knew he was capable of that? Or do you think that everything was fine, and maybe one day he just snapped? Man.... you can't trust anyone! If you can't trust your husband NOT to kill you....... than who can you trust, ya know? It really makes you think. Reason # 894 of why I shouldn't get married: I don't wanna get killed by my significant other.

And on THAT uplifting note, I'm gonna go have dinner. Maybe I'll get those damn pictures up soon.... who knows.

Panties in a bunch!

I had no idea that many people looked at my blog!

You can all just calm down. I'm not moving away tomorrow, or the next day. So stop blowing up my phone. You can't get rid of me THAT easily. Also.... if you want me to answer the phone, don't block your number. I don't answer blocked numbers, or numbers I don't recognize. Oh, and that funny thing that happens when I don't answer? That's called voicemail. How that generally works is after the "beep", you tell me who you are, what you want, and maybe even your number. Some people like to say the time they called. The options are endless! Just say something. Anything. Tell me to go to hell. I don't care. Just tell me something.

I would like to take this time to personally thank Sean Paul for blowing out the left speaker in my car.You're a dick.

I don't have too much else to say right now. Am I addicted to blogging? Perhaps. I have time on my hands.... so sue me.

Chinese food part 2. (And other assorted ramblings)

In an attempt to get my appetite up to speed, I recently ordered chinese food. And you know what THAT means.... fortune cookies galore!

So with my chicken and broccoli, I once again got two fortune cookies, because I am the bomb.

Fortune 1: "YOU WILL BE FORTUNATE IN THE OPPORTUNITIES PRESENTED TO YOU"

Well THAT'S good to hear. Bring it on! Enough said.

Fortune 2: "YOU COULD PROSPER IN THE FIELD OF MEDICAL RESEARCH"

What? Does that mean I have to go back to college? DAMNIT! I dont have time or money for all that. I don't know the first thing about medical research.... I know that if you don't drink enough milk your bones won't be very strong. Do I get a degree now?

My dad also had some chinese food. He's been ripping out our bathroom and replacing EVERYTHING. The floor, the toilet, the sink, the shower/bathtub. He's been doing everything by himself. He had JUST gotten done ripping out the toilet, and his fortune said, "YOU ARE WORKING HARD". Well no shit.

I also wanted to say that I'm addicted to coca-cola and Croatian chocolates. And that I love my new toilet. I didn't think you could love a toilet.... apparantly, you can.

One other thing.... I'm finding humor in the little things. Yesterday, I asked a guest at the hotel what kind of car he was driving. He said he wasn't sure, it was a rental, and pulled out his rental keys and shouted, "SURVEEEEEEY SAYS!..... ford focus." I just about died right there.Maybe you had to be there.... but it was extremely humorous.

I'm looking forward to seeing you kids at the Troc in 2 weeks.

When the going gets tough..... get going!

Somebody (I'm not quite sure who) once said, "Everything happens for a reason". There's a LOT of truth to that saying.

Not to get all religious on anyone, but I just want to say that God has a funny way of speaking to me. I just never seem to have the the answer.... and then, next thing I know, all of my decisions are made for me. Even if they are not exactly what I wanted, they are what's right. As my friend KP said, "He does listen. He will show you the way it's supposed to be for you." She said that to me just this week! What perfect timing. It may not make sense to anyone reading this.... but it makes perfect sense to me.

There are a lot of things I need to do, a lot of things I've been neglecting. I have to thank the great people in my life who showed up out of nowhere... where have you been hiding? It makes me smile to think about the great times we've had in the past, and it makes me even happier to look forward to spending more time with you.... AND my new friends.

I've also made some other decisions regarding my whereabouts. I'm doing what any girl in my situation would do, and I'm getting the HELL outta Dodge! (No, friends, this doesn't mean I'll be seeing you less.) I have so many vacations lined up it's not even humorous. It's going to be grand. Although, I do have plans in the works to get outta this town for good. At this point, I feel it's something I need to do. Granted, this is a plan that will take some time, so don't think I'm packing my bags just yet. I'd rather not say publicly where I'm headed.... but all you gotta do is ask! I, of course, expect everyone to come spend weekends with me in my beautiful 9 bedroom home (ok, ok... wishful thinking on the 9 bedroom thing.But I will have more than enough room.)

There are a lot of things I'm looking forward to......... but I don't know what some of them are yet. I know that things will fall into place as they should. I KNOW that! God.... I've never been so optimistic before in my life, and it feels SO good.

Hey.... my birthday is in a few weeks.... who's up for a kickass party?

Blurry

It feels like I've been awake for days......

So much has happened the past week, it's nuts. I've been running on nothing. I have no energy left. What I wouldn't give to be standing outside on a sunny day with a light breeze running through my hair. But instead, im sitting inside, in front of my computer, on a pointless sunday.

I have a lot to say today, but no way to say it. I can't see anything, my eyes are foggy, my contacts are blurry. I wonder if anyone else has ever felt this way, ever. Where is my sunshine? Where is my happiness and where the HELL is my rainbow?

I'm so tired that I can't sleep. I don't feel sane. But regardless, i find that the only thing left to do is continue with "business as usual". Is that possible? I guess we'll see. Nothing left to do but try.

Do I sound morbid? I guess this isn't my usual blog posting. Hopefully the next one will be more uplifting. There are so many people i just want to give a piece of my mind to right now.... but im not one for making scenes. Did you ever sit back and wonder, "What if i had done things differently...." You can think that all day, but in the end, what's done is done, in most cases. I look around..... at everyone..... I just want to ask so many questions. No one helped me, i had to help myself through everything thats ever happened to me. Not that i can blame anyone but myself.... this doesnt make any sense. I should just stop rambling. Thanks for listening.

Laugh till you cry

First of all, I would like to say thank you to the various people who sent me emails, comments, text messages, long ass voicemails, and smoke signals regarding my last blog. It was much appreciated. Im feeling better, and to prove it, I'm here to tell you all about my day.

I had to go into work early today, and during the confusion of trying to get myself ready for work, i kinda forgot to eat (which doesn't happen very often). So I decided to swing through the McDonalds drive thru. I ordered a number nine, (chicken nugget meal), and the woman told me to come to the first window. I did as instructed. It was like, 4 dollars and some change. I whipped out 5 ones, and extended my arm. Well, in case you didn't notice, it was EXTREMELY windy today, and when she went to grab the money, it just blew away. We both simultaneously screamed, "SHIT!", and the woman told me to go run after it. So i did. I ran through Mcdonalds parking lot, chasing dollar bills everywhere for about 3 minutes. I only missed one! I walked back to my car (out of breath), handed her the money, and she instructed me to drive to the second window, which i did. The woman handed me my bag, and i was glad to be out of there. It was embarassment central.

I got MAYBE a block. I looked in my bag and it wasn't even CLOSE to a chicken nugget meal. So i did what any idiot would do, and went back to embarassment central. I went back through the drive thru, and realized i had ordered before breakfast was over, which would be why there is a breakfast sandwich in my hand. So, in THIS case, gretchen = moron.

After i got my damn nuggets, i went to work and everything was good. Halfway through the night, i ran out to get my co-worker and i dinner. I came back, and for some reason, i had the "It's raining men" song stuck in my head. I think you know where this is going. I got out of my car, and sometimes i just forget where i am, because i was singing that shit as loud as i could through the parking lot. I mean like, TOP OF MY LUNGS type loud. "IT'S RAINING MEN! HALLEUIAH IT'S RAINING MEN! AMEN!" Well of course, i couldn't just be the only one in the parking lot.... i now have an audience. People are staring, and all i could do was laugh. I laughed so hard i cried. Then i went inside and told my co-worker, and she laughed so hard SHE cried. Good times.

I'm hoping tomorrow is as thrilling as today (minus the "It's Raining Men" song). If the laughter i had today is any indication of the rest of the week will be, then somebody PLEASE sign me up for that!

This shift is bananas! (b-a-n-a-n-a-s).

I have never been an "early morning" riser.

Waking up anytime before 11 am is NOT my idea of a good time, so when I willingly switched some of my days to morning shift (7 am), I knew it would be a difficult transition. I just wasn't aware of HOW difficult it would be.

First of all, I can no longer wear "comfy" pajamas to bed on days I have to be up early, because comfy pajamas make me want to sleep all damn day. I cannot take advantage of the snooze button, I actually broke it from using it too much. My breakfast now consists of my head resting in the bowl of cereal. My showers now have to be super-quick to ensure I dont fall asleep standing up. My clothes MUST be laid out the night before, because God knows I can't find ANYTHING to wear at 5:30 in the morning.

After my morning routine, I walk outside to my car, and for some reason, it's still dark out! What happened to my shining sun and chirping birds? I guess they're not awake yet, either.

When I finally get on the road, I pull out of my driveway and traffic is at a dead stop. It takes me 45 minutes to get to work, NOT the 20 minutes I am used to. Where the hell is everyone going? Why can't they all just go back to bed?

When I eventually get to work, I realize that I look like trash and have bags under my eyes, and I can't complete a coherent sentence. I make grunting sounds and yawn a lot. I get strange looks and no one wants to talk to me. I think "miserable" would be a good term to use for this situation.

I'll work for about 2 hours and I'm fine. My work is getting done, and I'm "civil" to people. But something happens to me during my 3rd hour; I feel sleepy again, and I basically inject caffeine into my bloodstream to keep me awake. This cycle will continue throughout my entire shift, until eventually it's quittin time. I leave work, drive home, and jump in bed for naptime until around 9 or 10 pm, when I inevitably wake up and want to have a party. I'll jump online, write myspace blogs (like this one), and then twiddle my thumbs until I force myself to go BACK to sleep at 1 or 2 am. I get a few hours of sleep before I wake up and do it all again the next day.

So when you come to my work at 7 am, all smiley and excited to be alive, don't be surprised when I punch you in the face.

Spring

TOP TEN REASONS I CAN'T WAIT FOR SPRING!

1. No more snowboots! (Even though my snowboots are ADORABLE in my opinion). I will no doubt be borrowing my moms strappy sandals more than once.

2. Going to the beach! (But i no longer have a beach to call my own..... I need a new beach! Where is a good one that's not TOO far of a drive?)

3. Going for walks outside. I'm really itching to get out there and start doing my 2 miles again! WOOO!

4. Wearing less clothes. I'm still not one for tank tops..... but my winter coat REALLY needs to take a little nap.

5. New spring fashions. I'm not much of a "fashionista", but it's still fun to see what all the sexy cool kids are wearing "this season".

6. Sitting and/or laying in the sun. Although I do have a "casper-like" complexion, and the minute the sun hits my bare skin I get boiled like a lobster. During this time period, my dad calls me "Tomato Girl".

7. Driving with the car windows down. I love it!

8. Serotonin. I'm addicted to the "feel good" emotion that comes only from being out in the sunlight and feeling the spring breeze.

9. Bars are simply more fun with friends starting to come home from college.

10. Going on vacation ANYWHERE warm and beautiful.

Can you believe I had to cut out a bunch of things? Spring CANNOT get here fast enough for me!

Fall down and go boom.

If you know me well enough, you probably know that i dont like going to hospitals. They creep me out. They always have, they always will. Where else can you find birth and death in the same place, just one floor apart? Maybe i should start from the beginning... or maybe not, since no one reads my blogs anyway, but for my own peace of mind, i guess i'll start from the beginning.

Ok, we're going back a little bit. A few years ago i fell down a flight of stairs like a moron and sprained my ankle. It sucked. I was on crutches for what seemed like forever. This happened to me RIGHT before my best friends wedding, which sucked even more. It was just one big suckfest.

Last night, i was standing around at work, and my ankle just kinda gave up on me. It decided it didn't want to have anything to do with the rest of my body and it flopped around like a fish. It kinda sent me flying, which luckily no one saw, and i didn't really think anything of it. It hurt a little, but once again, I'm a moron, and i continued walking on it for the rest of the evening. A few hours went by and i was soon in excruciating pain. After i was done at work, i hobbled to my car, drove home, hobbled to my house, and then crawled into bed with 2 Aleves. I guess i just hoped it would go away.

Well it didn't. Morning came, and it still hurt, so i hobbled to the doctors office. I dont find it very promising when the doctor says, "You know, I'm just not quite sure what you did.....". He then scares me with all KINDS of things that could be wrong with it. Chipped bones, ankle sprain, foot sprain, tendons, whatever. So off to the hospital for x-rays i go.

I get to the hospital, I'm not even there for 5 minutes, and i'm already lost. I somehow made it to the second floor where all i see is old ladies in beds eating mashed potatoes. It was kind of strange. I found a rude nurse who told me i was on the wrong floor and to hobble my ass back to elevators. I make my way back downstairs, where i then sign in and have to wait for close to an hour. An old woman finally calls my name, takes my information, and sends me to the radiology unit, where i will then wait another 15 minutes. Finally, a guy comes over and identifies himself as a STUDENT, who will be playing with my ankle for the next 20 minutes. Promising!

All in all, it sucked. It was a long day, and all i did was twerk my damn ankle the wrong way. They told me to stay off of it for a while and it would heal itself in a few days. No chipped bones, no sprained crap, no tendons. I almost wish something WAS horribly wrong with me so the day wouldn't have been a total waste. But i got a cool sticker that told everyone i had an x-ray....

As i left the hospital, i got lost leaving the parking lot. Just another day in the life, i suppose.

Chinese Food

So, I guess I eat a lot of chinese food. It's kind of become a ritual that once a week, my mom and I will go to our favorite chinese place and stuff ourselves silly. I, personally, am a BIG fan of chicken and broccoli, and the place that we go has the BEST spring rolls around. I dont like spring rolls from any other place. I always want to take the entire spring roll pan home with me, but its tough to get the whole pan out of the buffet area without anyone seeing me. Trust me, I've tried.

One of my favorite parts of "chinese food eating" is the fortune. My fortunes have a tendency to be right on the ball. Whatever is going on in my life, whenever I need guidance, my fortune cookie is always there for me. It explains things in a way I could never see before. Call me crazy, it's not like I haven't heard it before.

My last 3 visits have had on-the-ball fortunes.

Second week of January: "YOU LOVE CHINESE FOOD."

Well, yes, indeed I do. Ask anyone, and they will confirm that to be a fact. This, by far, is the best fortune I have received as of this day.

Third week of January: "EVERYTHING WILL NOW COME YOUR WAY."

As a matter of fact... it did. I didnt believe it at the time, but I was foolish not to believe my fortune cookie, because little did I know, everything was about to come my way. How bout that?

Fourth week of January: "BIRDS ARE ENTAGLED BY THEIR FEET AND MEN BY THEIR TONGUES."

Ok, Im not gonna lie, I had to think about this one for a minute. I dont give a crap about birds, OR their feet. But the rest of the fortune makes perfect sense. Think about it... men are entagled by their tongues. Interesting. The things that people say to one another or ABOUT one another can get them in some pretty sticky situations. I had been thinking about this ALL DAY, and then I decided on chinese food for dinner, and BAM! Everything is very clear to me! Say what you mean. Mean what you say. DON'T LIE. And don't talk shit on me and think it won't come back to me... because I can hear you. :)

I'm wondering what kinds of excitement next weeks chinese lunch with mom will bring. I hope its as good as the past three weeks have been. Maybe my fortune cookie will reveal the secrets of the universe..... or maybe it will just tell me how to say "More spring rolls please" in chinese.

Sundays

Ever since I was very young, I've always hated Sundays. My dad and I re-named this day of the week "pointless Sunday". There's no use for it, really. You don't NEED it to be Sunday to go to church, most churches have mass on Saturday now, too. I mean, I suppose you could use it as a "recovery" day from the weekend. Or it could be used as a day to get ready for the rest of the week. For many of us, we have to go back to work the following day, which is a total bummer. And for what? To go through the motions Monday through Thursday, anxiously wating for Friday to come. It is QUITE a relief when Friday finally gets here, and then of course Saturday arrives, and Saturdays are usually very good to me. But who wants to lay down on Saturday night and fall asleep, knowing that when you open your eyes Sunday will be staring you in the face? NOT I!!! Maybe I should take up a hobby for Sundays only, something to get my mind off of how bad the day really sucks.

Bingo, here I come.

Cosmic Crap

January 14, 2006

So this whole "full moon following Friday the 13th" thing really screwed me. As everyone knows, Friday the 13th's are notorious for being the worst day EVER, and full moons are just plain crazy. An emergency room doctor once said that most "freak accidents" occur on full moons, so that right there should tell you something.

This collision of Friday the 13th and the full moon really did me in. I was walking down the street, and everything was fine in my happy little world. The sun was shining, the butterflies were whizzing past my face. Out of nowhere, I noticed this pesky little raincloud directly above my head. I tried to ignore it and walk on, but it kept getting bigger and bigger until it looked like it might burst. I quickly put my hand to my side, to reach for my umbrella. But like a cowboy reaching for his holster in a pistol fight, I took WAY too long. I was drenched by this stupid raincloud that was miniscule a minute ago, and now it just wont stop raining! I wish rainclouds had an "OFF" switch.

I hear that after the rain stops, something magnificent will happen. All the colors in the spectrum will come together to form a rainbow. (Thats just what i hear). Its supposed to be beautiful, a thing that makes people not mind the rain, because they KNOW a rainbow is coming.

I'm looking for my rainbow. If you see it, give me a call. Much appreciated.