Ode to Geminis!

As the Gemini season is upon us (May 20-June 20), I thought I'd pay homage to all my Gemini friends who are just as crazy as I am. Here's a little something you may already know about yourself.

Geminis are very picky, but also like to "go with the flow". We're a little irresponsible, and we're afraid of commitment. We're somewhat unreliable and pretty flakey. We'll leave your party in a hot second if we think there's a better party going on somewhere else. We do things that are amusing at the time, with little regard to the consequences. A Gemini has the attention span of a three year old. (What was I talking about again? Oh yeah.... Look! That cloud looks like a pony!)
We're greedy.... we want it all! What's wrong with that? Geminis are very flighty.... now you see me, now you don't. Oh, and we don't get mad, we get even.

As far as love goes, Geminis have been known to have 2 or 3 dates for the same evening. And you simply MUST keep us interested... we'll drop you like a bad habit and date your best friend all in one day, without even blinking. We LOVE the thrill of the chase.... but that's about it. Of course, we warn you of this from Day 1.... but do you listen? Of course not.

We're the ones driving the getaway car in the bank robbery.

We're the ones doing 180 mph down the freeway in someone else's car.

We're the ones in the penthouse suite over looking the ocean that someone else is paying for. (Ahhh... memories......)

Here's a list of a few famous Geminis:

Errol Flynn- June 20, 1909. Hollywood hellraiser and notorious sex machine.

Paul Gauguin- June 7, 1848. Impressionist painter. Dumped his job as a stockbroker, abandoned his family, and ran away to Tahiti to paint Tahitian beauties.

Marquis de Sade- June 2, 1740. Father of "Sadism". Inventor of using whips, chains, and paddles for foreplay. While imprisoned for sexual vices, he wrote down his every fantasy.

*I must give credit where credit is due. I learned most of this from Darkside Zodiac by Stella Hyde. Buy it and learn everything you didn't wanna know about yourself. The rest I learned from simply being a Gemini. We're a crazy bunch..... but that's what makes us fun!

I think my eye fell out.

When are people going to learn that when you go to a hotel, you really should be nice to the front desk staff. If you're an asshole, watch out. I'll put you in a room that's right next to the elevator AND the ice machine, on the same floor as the extremely obnoxious teenage girls lacrosse team quicker than you can say, "I MUST have a quiet room". Oh, you wanna be a smartass? Your rate just went up $20. Please don't mess with the front desk staff.... they can be your best friends or your worst enemies. Your call!

Also.... for the 90th time..... the girl at the front desk is not included in the price of the room. I don't care who you are, what business you're with, or where you're from. Unless, of course, you're Croatian..... DAMN you Croatians! Where are you all coming from? (I know, I know... Croatia.)

As if my drive TO work wasn't bad enough, today some guy flipped me off on my way home, for absolutely no reason other than I didn't wanna drive over 70 mph. Go around me! What the hell?!?! Don't flip random people off, you don't know who's gonna throw a brick through your windshield. (Not that I would ever do such a thing.....) I have been known to get outta my car and whoop an ass or two. Don't tempt me!

P.S. to all my contact lens wearing friends.... Don't stick a bar of soap in your eye while your contacts are in. It burns like hell! Actually, don't stick a bar of soap in your eye at all, ever..... note to self.

Back to my regularly scheduled programming.

It's been a crazy last couple of days!

Wednesday night Grapes and I went to Mckenzie's of Malvern, they just built it. The place is pretty cool. I checked out pretty much the whole building.... NO ELECTRONIC DARTS! Somebody is gonna hear about this one. But other than that, it's a pretty nice place. We sat and drank Mckenzie's beer, which isn't really anything to write home about. Johnny Famous was there, doing the whole karaoke thang, and it was good to see him. This guy dressed up as Captain Morgan was there, handing out free Captain Morgan stuff, so that was pretty cool, except when he started handing out free drinks. I TOTALLY FORGOT about my "No Soda Diet". He gave me a little shot glass of Captain and Coke, and I was like, "Sure, I'll take it!" without even thinking twice. I had two of those when I realized that there was soda in it. I started yelling at Grapes, like it's his fault, and then slammed my shot glass down in a fit of rage. I was so mad at myself! But I'm not gonna let it upset me or throw me off my game..... I'm still continuing my "No Soda Diet". Today is Day 10 (I'm not counting the "incident" as an actual drink of soda due to it's accidental nature). I'm doing ok. I almost had a moment of weakness today.... but then I calmed down, did some deep breathing, and drank some water. Don't they have a 1-800 number I can call for support?

Well anyway, after the "incident", Grapes and I had our picture taken with Captain Morgan, which made me feel a little better.

Thursday I saw Mika and Travis and the whole GOTJ crew (minus Jersey). It was nice. Does anyone have a video camera to tape this madness that's going to occur? If not, someone should seriously consider getting one, because madness WILL be occuring.

This weekend was nice. I went to Jersey with my parents on a mini-vacation. We stayed at the Crowne Plaza in Englewood, which was a VERY nice hotel, minus the fact that they authorized $400 on my debit card that I didn't have for NO REASON.... dicks. Gimme back my money!

It was a nice weekend, but I'm glad to be home. It IS true what they say about Jersey drivers.... absolute chaos. Sorry to my Jersey friends, but your state must hand out driver's licenses at your local convenience stores. I almost got killed TWICE by those assholes!

Oh, Happy Mother's Day to all of my friends out there with children.Some guy wished me a Happy Mother's Day and I almost kicked him in the groin. I'm not a very nice person. But anyway, Happy Mommy Day to you and your mommies and your grandmommies.

I miss you, Dr. Pepper!

Ok. So this is day 5 of the "No Soda Diet". It's not going well for me. I'm going through total withdrawl! I'm shaking, confused, and disoriented. But think of all the weight I'm losing! Of course, everyone around me drinks their soda in my face, as if to say, "Look at this delicious soda I'm drinking! It's so yummy and delightful!" And here I am, with my stupid water bottle, sucking down water like I enjoy it or something. I'm trying to see if I can last 2 weeks...... that's 14 damn days! Shoot me now!

And now, for some GOOD news. I held my best friends hand the other day and it felt SO good. It was like she never left me. She just stared at me and knew everything that had been going on with me since we last talked MONTHS ago.... it was awesome. She's giving me the courage to do the things I need to do right now, and I'm so lucky to have her in my life. It's great to see that when you have that kind of connection with someone, it doesn't just disappear. Awesome stuff. Friends, please call your best friend and tell him/her that you love them.

On the flip side, a few people have upset me lately, and I'm learning that some things just aren't worth my time and energy. Someday I'll learn not to take this personally.

So much to do..... so little time! I need a personal assistant. To apply for this position, you must be a male between the ages of 22-29, very mature, and enjoy longs walks on the beach. Married men need not apply. Croatians welcome.

My morning commute, always an adventure!

I know I just blogged the other day, but I just wanted to share this with you.

Today on my way to work, some guy tried to "holla" at me, as they say, while I was driving down the road. Normally, this wouldn't be a huge problem, except that THIS guy was driving one of those Scion-type cars. You know, the one that looks likes a box with wheels. I HATE these cars. I mean, seriously. If you're gonna buy a car, don't buy a car that looks like a refrigerator. It's not practical unless I can store my meats in there without them getting warm, and your car does not provide this amenity, so why would you buy it? It is the UGLIEST car I've ever seen. I don't care HOW attractive you are, if you are driving one those cars don't even look at me. Why don't you take off those $300 sunglasses, sell them, and use that money to help buy yourself a new car. Preferably one that doesn't look like a box. THEN you can hang out your window all you want, trying to talk to me. And learn how to use a turn signal too, you dick.

April showers bring..... death and destruction?

Woah! It's only the 2nd day of May, and this month just might go down in Guinness for being the suckiest month on record. This blog may sound somewhat depressing, but I'm actually in a pretty good mood, so please think happy thoughts while reading it!

It's been a long time since I was up at 2:30 in the morning writing. But when something hits you at 2:30 in the morning, you have to write it down or else you'll be up all night thinking about it. Or you'll fall asleep and forget it, which is sometimes worse.

In case you don't know, I have a hard time getting close to people, places and things. I've recently come across some people who have the same problem, and I'm hoping I can give some insight as to why that is. Stay with me, we're getting deep here. (Just for like, 3 seconds.)

I know why I have a tough time getting close to people. People come and go like gusts of wind. Some people enter your life with such a splash, they can make such an impact. But before you realize it, they're gone, for whatever reason. It can hurt like hell, until you meet another person who will inevitably do the exact same thing to you. Few people stick around. I think I have become like this, and I apologize to anyone I've done this to. Please track me down and punch me in the face.

You can't even get close to places. I fell in love with my summer vacation spot, and it's now gone. I fell in love with my winter vacation spot, it's now also gone (but not completely..... that's another blog for another day). I used to love that big old mound of dirt back behind Giant where the boys used to ride their dirt bikes.... there's a freakin hotel there now! Driving through my town, I realized that there is no land left.... all the land is now being used for townhomes. I mean seriously..... if you blinked, you missed it.

Everyone knows better than to love "things". You can't take them with you! Sure, you have a beautiful car, until you smash it into a tree. (That sounded really morbid, but trust me, it wasn't supposed to.)

Did that help anyone? Or am I just rambling again? Sorry bout that.

In other news, I have bunches of things to look forward to coming up this summer. Not all of them made it to my Myspace calendar, but hopefully soon I'll get the rest of the stuff up there. I put some new pictures up, most of them are of me acting stupid. But man, did I have fun doing it!

I keep thinking about this cruise.... it's calling my name. Maybe I will go after all.... so much for trying to save money. But who needs money? You can't take it with you, right? Didn't we just establish this?

Are you guys watching my birthday clock? Maybe this year I'll finally get the Barbie Pink Corvette Power Wheels.