Mischief and Mayhem

I hope everyone had a good Halloween!

You know, as the years go on it seems that mischief night is becoming a thing of the past. But every now and then, somebody will do something minorly amusing in my area. On Halloween morning, when I arrived at work, I had the pleasure of seeing a corporate asshole's car covered with shaving cream. I guess he was in a hurry in the morning, because his cleanup job was extremely half assed. Serves him right for being a dick.

Then, at lunch, a guy dressed as Superman delivered pizza to one of our offices. This made me happy, because I like when people get into the spirit of the holiday. The corporate people, though, couldn't have seen it as more repulsing. They were like, "Did you SEE that guy? He's so brave to dress up like Superman...." It's Halloween, assholes! If it was any other day, I may have batted an eye. Just because you're miserable and have no life doesn't mean you can bring the rest of us down with you. I hope someone toilet papers your house.

In other news, I went to Wendy's today on my lunch break and ordered their new Big Bacon Melted Cheddar Cheese concotion, and let me tell ya, I was not pleased. First of all, I ordered the biggest one they had, for some reason, and I could barely get it into my mouth. Secondly, since I wore my hair down today, it was inevitable that I would get some cheddar cheese in it. Nothing about the burger pleased me at all. It was messy, greasy, and sloppier than it should have been. And of course, as I'm eating the damn thing, Virtual Insanity by Jamiroqui comes on, and I started belting it out in the Wendy's parking lot. This time, I made a double fool of myself, because not only did someone hear me, but it was a client from my office. Whoops! She just smiled, and I drove away with cheese in my hair.

I put new pictures in my slideshow, check them out if you get bored.

To all my friends I saw at ICP: I had a great time with you guys, and I'm looking forward to seeing you kids at the Tech N9ne show! Be there or be square!

Welcome to Corporate America!

I started my new job on Monday. Things have been a little hectic, so I apologize to those I haven't had a chance to call.

I have never had the opportunity to really work in a "corporate" setting before, so let me tell you, this is a new experience for me. In my company, people go in and out of their offices, all day, and I really have no idea what they do. They have top secret meetings and business lunches with "important" clients.... but what are they really DOING in there? Are they trading top secret information about new inventions? Or are they just pretending to be larger than life so people think they are important? Whatever the case is, they all wear expensive business suits, and they are ALWAYS in a hurry.

I don't know that this is the type of life I was made for, but I do a damn good job of acting like an all around business woman while I'm there. For instance, take Jeff, the guy who trained me. Nice blank pants, long sleeve button down shirt, spoke to clients in a professional manner. He seemed like perfect "corporate guy" material. But when I actually had the opportunity to talk to him, I realized this was pretty much completely untrue. I mean, he could turn it on when necessary, but outside of work, all he wanted to do was skateboard and listen to punk rock. His entire body was filled with tattoos, from head to toe. He liked conspiracy theories and he disliked the government. While he was at work though, you'd never guess he was just playing a role.

Perhaps this is what we all do... do we all pretend to be something we're not from time to time? Or is it that we haven't "grown up" yet? If running around like a crazy woman getting all stressed out over little things, wondering if my next client will be on time for our meeting is "growing up", count me out. I'll stay 24 forever.

I think it's just a charade. In which case, I'm glad I took all those acting classes. Sure, I'll go to work and pretend to care, I'll pretend to be the prim and proper business woman in the black pants and button down shirts. I'll stay "in character" for the duration of my work day. But once I get in the car to drive home, I'm rolling down the windows, letting the wind blow through my hair, and popping in some Insane Clown Posse for my listening pleasure.

It was inevitable that I would have to hang up my UFO pants and put away my orange hair dye if I wanted to get a "real" job. But remember, they are still in my closet somewhere.......

Wish me luck on my second week!

The hair salon is the place to be.

So I went to the hair salon today, and this is what I'm wondering...

Why is it that people feel they can talk to the hairdresser about ANYTHING? Is is because you dont actually know this person, so perhaps they can give you insight on things that a friend can't? Or is it just because you don't want there to be an awkward silence, so you just say whatever is going on in your life? Either way, not only will she cut your hair, but a hairdresser will also be your best friend.

But then again... can you REALLY trust a hairdresser? The hair salon is well known for being the place where all the gossip columns go to for their information. Who's pregnant by who? Who got fired from where? You never wanna give TOO much information to the hairdresser... it just may end up on the evening news. Of course, if you WANT the latest gossip, they will provide this to you at no extra fee.

I don't have too much trouble with gossipy hairdressers... everyone that goes to my hair salon is 90 years old. But sometimes they are even worse! They always seem to know the business of everyone in their neighborhood. But apparantly not much is going on my area right now.... all I heard about today was how Mabel's husband had ANOTHER heart attack, and how Agatha dropped her cane and could barely pick it up! Geez, Agatha... hold on to that thing! Butter fingers!

Usually the news is a bit more scandalous. Slow news day, I guess.

Perhaps the hairdressers are the ones who formed the "Neighborhood Watch".... I wouldn't doubt it for a second! Sneaky sneaky!

Anyway... I got my hair cut and blown out, so now I look like an 80's rock star. Unlike last time, when I looked like sloppy Britney Spears.

I hope everyone has a good weekend!

I could care less if your toilet is overflowing.

That's right folks.... I'm officially leaving the hotel industry. Of course, I'm well aware that people can scream at me in pretty much ANY line of work, but I'm willing to take the jump into (semi) unknown waters. Send good thoughts about me into the air, cross your fingers, pray, do a little dance, do whatever it is you do to wish me some luck.

My weekends will still be free, so if anybody wants to hang out we can drop it like it's hot, or whatever those crazy kids are doing these days.

To my Expressors-- truck on, my friends! I'll be right around the way, and you all have my number, so let's chill like ice cubes on a weekly basis.

I really just didn't wanna wear this dumb blue shirt anymore.

I'll give you an update once I start! Peace out for now.

Chaos? You bet!

Well, Im back from my hiatus. I took some time to myself to ponder life, but now Im back and better than ever! Heres a recap of some stuff thats been going on.

I found out I do NOT have tuberculosis. LONG story.

I went to the Poconos and hung out with nature. Chatted with some deer, went for a walk with some geese. It was very relaxing and I had a wonderful time. I cant wait to go back in December... I hope theres snow on the ground. I wanna go snowtubing!

I got my car back, only to be told that my battery is almost dead. Man, if its not one thing....
I danced like a fool with Grapes and Amanda at Maddies, which is a very nice place by the way. I think Ill go there more often. They have blinking palm trees there, which is was fascinated by.

And then.... the bomb dropped!

My boss and very close friend James is leaving our Holiday Inn Express to go to the Holiday Inn Express of Boston-Cambridge. Now, I am very proud of him, and very happy for him, but I am also devastated! How can this happen? How can my friend DO this to me? I simply cannot comprehend what is happening here. Little does he know, David Scott and I are planning on burning his new hotel down before he gets there. Whoops!

I feel like everything is up in the air. My once happy-go-lucky life is now filled with uncertainty! Theres a lot on my mind, kids........

VH1's Worst Week Ever - Gretchen Edition.

I'm not even quite sure where to start....

Sunday my car started making a funny sound, like my brakes were grinding together. I guess that's where everything started.

Monday sucked. I called Hyundai and explained my car sound to them, and they asked me if I could bring my car in right then and there. I told them no, I had to go to work, and they were like, "Well, it's too dangerous to drive, but if you bring it in now, along with 3 million dollars, we'll look at if for you." I said no thanks, I was about 3 million dollars short. So I went to work, which absloutely blew. A bunch of assholes who thought they were God's gift to the earth were staying at the hotel. I wanted to punch every last one of them in the eye. I tried to quit 3 times, but my co-worker wouldn't let me leave. I went home and went to bed.

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I couldn't get to the mechanic on Tuesday morning. So I decided to head to work. I didn't even get halfway there, and my car started acting funny and making horrible noises. I wasn't quite sure whether I would live or die, so I drove straight to the mechanic and called a friend to come get me and take me to work. After my scary experience with the car, I didn't think my day could get any worse. Surprise! I was wrong.

We had a managers reception at the hotel for our guests (even though we ate most of the food). So after we were done setting up the food, I accidentally stuck my hand in some toxic crap (the stuff you light that heats up pans of food, if you know what I'm talking about). I thought I had gotten it all off my hands, but I didn't, and I started stuffing my face with ziti, and the toxic crap somehow got into my mouth..... it was very nasty to say the least. I washed my mouth out, but I was still scarred for life.

That's when the storm of the century came through!

The winds blew, the rain fell, the earth shook. The hotel lost power a few times. The damn alarm kept going off, my boss almost got electrocuted... it sucked. My mom called and said the power at my house kept flickering on and off, so I figured I would stay a the hotel. But of course, I didn't have any of my stuff with me, and no car, so my bestest friend Kim said she would come get me and bring me back to the hotel after i got my stuff. WOOO!

So, she came and got me, and she asked if I would drive her car since I knew the roads better. So we hopped in the car and headed towards Collegeville.

We were greeted with disaster! Trees were down, traffic lights were out, it was NOT a good time. I couldn't even drive on my street, they had it closed off. I finally found a cop and after I told him where I lived, he let me through, but he gave me some words of warning: "Drive quickly past the telephone pole that's on fire, we think it may fall over. Drive down the wrong side of the street so you don't hit the tree. You should be good!"

Awesome. Sign me up for that.

We get to my house, I pack my suitcase, and I'm out! Driving back to the hotel, I drove over a tree in my best friends car. Wheeee!

Back at the hotel, I return to my room to find a Holiday Inn Express slumber party is taking place, filled with UNO and Crunch Berries. Needlees to say, I didn't get much sleep. At least there was no 3 AM dance party this time.

This brings me to Wednesday. Also very sucky! Had a mental breakdown at work, ate 40 bags of Peanut M&M's, and eventually Amanda came to get me and take me home so I could get some sleep. But Wednesday night was no better. Broke up with Rockstar, got absolutely no sleep. Is this really the end of my relationship with him? After giving it MUCH thought, I say doubtful.... too much is left undone. I'm just gonna breathe for right now. And that's all I have to say about that at this point.

Today is Thursday. I called out of work due to mental instablity. Pretty good reason, in my opinion. But I DID get good news today, my car is done! The bad news.... it costs 3 million dollars to go pick it up. Anyone got 3 million dollars I can borrow?

I'm taking a vacation, I'm going on hiatus. Pray for me, my friends! I'll see you on the other side of the rainbow!

It's 10 PM. Do you know where your girlfriend is?

Sadly, not many people will get that joke. But if you are one of the lucky few, do you know where she is? I mean, seriously, do you REALLY know where she is? Not where she SAID she was gonna be, but where she actually went?

Back in the day, I posted a rather depressing blog about greeting my harsh realities. In that blog, I mentioned the ticking of a nearby clock slowly driving me insane. (Or maybe that was two different blogs, I can't actually recall at this time.) That may have been the same week that the butterfly chased me down the street. Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that the ticking is back, and this time it's even louder and more in-my-face than before.

Why the insanity, you ask? I hate not having all the answers. I like everything to be laid out in front of me in numerical order, grouped by color. I'm a meticulous person. I try to be very organized, and at the first sign of chaos, I melt like a stick of butter that's been out in the sun too long. And it WAS rather hot today..... consider this my melting period.

Back when I was a kid, I never had ANYTHING figured out. That's how I was back then. I just figured I would live until I died. Anything that happened in between would be pretty cool. As I grew up, I tried to make plans, as many of us do, but you know what they say about the "Best laid plans of mice and men..." Actually, I really don't know what they say about that, but I'm guessing that those plans frequently get screwed up for one reason or another. Anyway, as soon as I thought I had something figured out, and I just absolutely KNEW things were gonna go a certain way, they didn't. And of course, my happy little world got rained on every time this happened. How many things was I absolutely SURE of that didn't pan out? Numerous. Countless. You think I would have learned by now.

So here I am again. But this time, things are gonna be a little different. I never know what's what from one minute to the next, so how could I possibly see where I will be in one year from now? No more plans for me. No more "Best laid plans of... whatever the hell." I'm gonna go back to doing what I did when I was little, because that seemed to work best for me. I'm gonna live, and I'm gonna live until I die. And things in between will be pretty cool. I can promise you that.
What happens, happens. And I will love it if you're there with me.

I'm starting to sound like David Scott. That's really scary. What the crap?!?!?!